I was asked to sit in on a meeting with family members of a patient.  Communication seemed to have broken down and I was warned that some of the family members – especially the patient’s mother - could be very unpleasant.  

As an observer I noticed that the mother frowned a lot.  She spoke very loudly, and sometimes ignored other people when they spoke.   

When we had a break, I tried to speak to her.  She frowned at me and said ‘I find these meetings so difficult!  When there’s any background noise at all, often I can’t hear what’s being said.  And often I can’t even place voices so that I might be able to lipread.  At times I don’t even know somebody’s speaking at all.  My hearing problems cause so many other problems…’
                            Dr J, personal contact

This story rang several bells for me – I too am aware that I have to concentrate really hard to be able to follow any conversation, especially in strange surroundings and most especially with any background noise.  I too may frown when I’m concentrating.  I too can’t tell the direction from which a voice (or any other noise) comes so that I can then lipread. 

And, I too am aware that I have no real idea how loudly or quietly I’m speaking – this I know thanks to my daughter gently signalling to speak more quietly or more loudly.  And sometimes I too don’t realise someone has started speaking… also know sometimes I interrupt when someone else is speaking….all because of my deteriorating hearing.

We all make assumptions about people we meet, and about situations – assumptions based on our own experiences, level of current information, knowledge and understanding.